First blog post, ever.
For some reason I feel the need to justify starting a blog to myself (and others, I suppose). Here it is: This will be my comfort…I will make it so. I don’t have many people, especially here, where I’m currently living. I have D, my boyfriend, but I’m going to alleviate some of his stress (from me) by making this my place to unload my words.
Anywho…speaking of D– August will be three years we’ve been together. We technically got together in September, but I remember the night we met. It was August 25, 2012. We met walking down the street. I was spinning around in big, drunken circles when he approached me. I’d like to say the rest is history, but for some reason I knew my entire life was going to be different in that instant.
I was not looking for a relationship when I met him. Not one bit. He texted me “Good morning, beautiful” every day for at least a month. The texts would come in right before 9 0′ clock every morning as I was making my way across the parking lot to my classes. Other guys had done similar things for me in the past, but for some reason, only D’s texts put a smile on my face.
Being the party animal that I was, I went out every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night (sometimes Wednesdays too, if I was feeling ambitious). I like to think the universe wanted D and me to be together, because after the night we met, I saw him everywhere I went. He was working three jobs at the time, I was going to school full-time and working long evening hours. Thinking back, it was difficult to see each other at first. Finally after several possibly coincidental, possibly cosmic, possibly stalker-ish (on his part haha) run-ins every weekend, we made time to see each other sober.
Finally. The text popped up on my screen. He was here. Here to see me.
I closed my textbook and took one more look around the apartment to see if I could do any last-minute straightening up. Living with five other girls though, it would have been no use. I didn’t waste my time. I walked out the door and pressed the button for the elevator.
I saw the number above the enormous elevator doors light up. B. Sheesh. The elevator had to come all the way up from the basement. Oh well, at least this gave me some time to prepare myself. 1. I intently stared into the blackened screen of my phone, attempting to make any last minute improvements to my appearance. What if he didn’t think I looked as good sober? 2. It was halfway here. I could feel the pulse in my stomach. Ew. What is this feeling? 3. Oh, God. What am I doing? Are we going to have sex? Did I shave my legs? 4. The elevator had arrived. I pushed my doubts aside and stepped in. I was seconds away from seeing him again.
I stepped out of the elevator and headed towards the foyer of my dorm building. I could see him leaning against one of the brick pillars outside of the double doors. I opened the door and he turned, smiling easily. Sheesh. His black jeans were really worked for him. He had paired them with a black v-neck shirt, red Polo shoes, and a camouflage Chicago Bulls hat. I couldn’t resist letting my eyes wander from his head to his feet–lingering a little too long on his smile…his muscular biceps…his bulge…and back up again. I could feel myself blushing.
He followed me inside and back on to the elevator. Once inside, he took me in his arms, tightly pulling me against his body. It felt nice. I couldn’t remember ever having this feeling when being hugged by any other man. I could feel the tension of his muscles as he released me and handed me a bottle of wine and a rose. This makes me smile. I think it’s probably a big, cheesy smile, but I cannot tell. This is certainly new for me. Wine? A rose? I’ve never seen or experienced romance of the likes. I am suddenly filled with a feeling I’ve become familiar with since meeting D. My life is never going to be the same. It scares me, yet floods me with excitement all at the same time.
The elevator arrives back on the fourth floor. We step out and I punch in the code to my apartment door and let him in. Yikes. It looks more messy than before I left, not five minutes ago. Luckily, he doesn’t seem to mind. Although there is a couch, albeit with an uncomfortable wood frame, a rolly chair, and six wooden chairs situated in a jumble, he walks past all of these. He chooses my roommate’s black mushroom chair as I find glasses for the wine.
Finding two glasses I pour the wine and walk back towards where he is sitting. I contemplate taking one of the wooden chairs that is situated across from where he is, but something guides me across the room. I sit down on his lap. I am immediately unsure of my choice. I am shocked at myself….this is not like me at all. I don’t like to be touched by other people. I don’t like to get too close to people I have no intention of being close to. Something is different about this though. D puts me at ease. This action feels natural.
I smile to myself as he wraps his hand around my hip. Whew–I’ve made a good choice. Or have I? What the hell am I doing? The conversation flows easily, but after awhile my curse makes an appearance. I immediately regret my words as soon as I blurt out– “You know, I don’t really do the relationship thing. I’m just–not good at it.” I cannot pinpoint the source of these words. They are irrelevant to the previous topic of conversation. An intrusion.
But at least it’s out on the table now. I find some comfort when he finally absorbs what I have said and says, “Me either, K.” It’s good to know we are on the same page. I am still uncomfortable with my latest announcement though. The train speeds by outside the window. I am struck with an idea.
“Let’s climb up the hill to the train tracks and look at the stars,” I say, fully expecting him to say no.
“Okay, let’s go,” he replies. I am stunned, but I intend to make good on what I’ve suggested.
We are here. It only took crossing a hill, an apartment complex, jumping a fence, and climbing a steep hill to get here. I’m amazed. Not only has this man agreed to journey to the top of these treacherous train tracks with me, but he is here looking up at the sky with me. We sit on edge of the embankment just past the train tracks. We talk about our mutual interest in the stars and space. We laugh about how terrible I am at jumping fences. I feel good in his presence.
I immerse myself in the night sky. I cannot fathom its expanse, but I try nonetheless. After awhile, the sound of a train’s horn breaks through the air. I look over at D. The moonlight lights his face, his eyes are still intent on the stars. Once again, I am intrigued. He has followed me up onto these tracks in the darkness, ruining his brand new shoes in the process. Why me?, I wonder. I decide not to dwell on the thought though.
We amble back down the steep hill, jump the fence, cross the lots, and arrive back behind the building in which my apartment is situated. It is dark…peaceful. Only crickets ease the silence of the warm summer night. I feel nervous again. I know that he has to leave soon and I must retire to my bed for the early day ahead. I allow my mind to wander, but am interrupted when his hands pull me close against his body again.
He looks deeply into my eyes. I move my mouth upwards to meet his soft, waiting lips. We meet and I feel my soul dance beneath the stars. I feel alive. My lips glide against his, my hands move across his muscular back. I am full of desire. He leans against the brick of my building, taking me in his arms, kissing my lips.
Our departure is bittersweet. My lips, my body, my soul yearns for more. I know in this instant once again, that my life will never be the same.